I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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