It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
