remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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