Will you blow on my dice?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
