The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
