Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
