Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
