Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
