no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Randomize
