She's JV to your varsity
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
