Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
