I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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