i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
