He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
