3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
