1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
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"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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