Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Randomize