i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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