He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
