Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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