Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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