I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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