I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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