my mouth tastes like poor choices
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
