How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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