so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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