Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
