My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
