Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
