me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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