are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
...so i touched it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
