Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
