It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
