I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
