3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
