He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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