I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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