Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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