I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
