Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
