U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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