I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
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I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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