i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
