Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
