I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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