I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
