I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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