i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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