Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
