I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
