You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize