I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
