so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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