My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
