do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
