You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
