i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
