My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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