you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
